OK this one may get me into trouble! I've had numerous conversations with parents who want to make sure their kids are "well-rounded."

 

Dance. Sports. Piano. Swimming. Academics.​

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I love one on one meetings with parents, to get to know the families of my students are understand everyone's goals. Often parents tell me that their child is begging for more dance, but they feel the need to make sure their child is well-rounded. 

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I do completely understand the premise of course. We want our children to experience the many benefits of sports. To excel at school in academics. To make sure they've sampled enough of the world's activities to truly know their passion. There is also a fear of burnout. 

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I'm not talking about all kids of course! Many kids do in fact love to stay engaged in various activities. I'm really interested in talking about the kids that are begging to dance more. They dance at the grocery store, they put on shows at home. Want to take more classes. ​

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In my experience, burnout really happens most when the instigator is not the child themselves. Even when a child loves their activity, outside pressure eventually becomes confusing and frustrating. The child starts to question for whom they're even participating in this activity, wonder whether they would be happier elsewhere, and want to scale back or quit. 

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This gets tricky! Of course we have to encourage our kids. Inevitably children have days where they want to laze about. My son is a black belt at taekwondo, and loved his training. He always left happier than he arrived. However, there were days when we'd have to drop him off after he said he wasn't really feeling it. It was a joint commitment. We could see his potential and the benefits of martial arts for him specifically... and didn't allow him to quit. 

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It is such a delicate balance. We've all heard the stories of parents who pushed their kids into become professional or olympic athletes, and wonder if we should be doing more. I do think, however, rare are the stories where really pushy parents ended up with a successful, grateful child. Resentment seems more likely. 

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Back to the original point... suppose you have a child who obsessively loves dance (or another activity or sport). In my opinion, you should embrace their passion. Trust them. Being mediocre at many things is not as beneficial to a child as being really well-versed in one. The most powerful confidence comes from proficiency - from truly feeling you are good at, or knowledgeable of, something. I think it also lends itself to human nature and the way we learn. When we are truly engaged and fully attentive, powerful change happens in the brain. I think that when kids are loving what they do, they get the most out of it. Being halfway engaged in an activity is really not utilizing their potential. 

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I have also learned that kids LOVE being listened to. Believed. If your child is telling you who they are, give them the benefit of the doubt and support their passion. In this day and age, where basically anything can become a lucrative career, we should not be dictating who our children are. Listen to them. 

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Mastery takes time. Whether it’s dance, music, art, science or sports, becoming truly confident in something takes time and attention. Putting off that intentional immersion in an activity just delays this process. 

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Many kids have a very hard time finding something they love to do! If and when someone identifies a passion and wants to run in that direction... I really believe we should encourage them.